The Five Questions
There comes a time in everyone’s emotional health process when I’m inspired to ask them the Five Questions. Sometimes it’s because of a Big Question, like marriage, divorce, moving, or a new job. Others, it’s because they’re focused on the wrong person, goal, or idea that’s keeping them from making progress. In any event, the questions are a great method to clarify your own priorities and remind yourself of just exactly who you are, what you need, and how you feel.
In order to help people to discover who they are, what they need, and how they feel, I ask them to think about the following five questions about themselves to create a personal mission statement. When I first pose them, I often get looks of doubt and uncertainty, but after explaining my purpose of focusing on your true inner self, everyone begins to see the value of this process. If you’d like to try it for a specific problem or just a general assessment, it works for any purpose, just follow the simple instructions below:
Grab two pieces of paper. (I like legal pads).
On the first piece of paper, make two columns: one for Wants and the other for Needs.
On the second piece of paper, make three columns: one for Think, one for Feel, and one for Believe.
On the first piece of paper simultaneously list your Wants and Needs. You may be confused as you try to separate them. Don’t worry about that; oftentimes, there is overlap between categories since it’s entirely reasonable to want and need some of the same things. The crossover between them might be revelatory.
On the second sheet of paper under the columns Think, Feel, and Believe, write down true, declarative statements for each concept, such as “I think my boss is gaslighting me,” “I feel so angry my partner is ignoring me,” and “I believe my faith is wavering.”
Once you write them all down, you win! You passed no matter what you wrote, because this is not a test. There are no right or wrong answers, only true answers, to the best of your ability, at the time you wrote them down. You can tear it up. You can save it. You can start all over again.
Give it a go, see if it works for you, and let me know what you discovered!
As always, take good care,
Dale